JD VANCE: There is a Christian concept that you love your family and then you love your neighbor, and then you love your community, and then you love your fellow citizens, and then after that, prioritize the rest of the world. A lot of the far left has completely inverted that… (January 29,, 2025 in a Fox News interview)
There has been a lot of angry posts created since the Vice President shared the above during an interview on Fox News. If only loving was so organized and clear cut! Sadly, love in a fallen world never is. Loving others is most often difficult, confusing, and often messy. It is easy to love too much as well as not love enough. We find that God is love, but we are not God. All of us fail at loving all the time – sometimes out of selfishness; sometimes out of ignorance.
Yes, things are not as clear and linear as the Vice President suggests. True, I’ve seen some Evangelicals and Roman Catholics write about circles of love reflecting varied intimacy or immediacy – spouse, family, community, nation, world. And certainly, the original Protestant Reformers tried to reaffirm marriage and family as not just a necessary passion but a sacred calling equal to others (particularly celibate vocations) glorifying God. Indeed, Jesus called his disciples a family. It was a fictive family, but with more import eternally. When Jesus spoke about loving one another (John 13:34), it was a command specifically for and amidst disciples. They were to love one another as his body. Yet, this was not selfish. He also called them to go throughout all the earth making disciples of all peoples (Matthew 28:19) – to invite them to be part of the body. Our Christian ethic of love might allow for intimacy, but it is never meant to be exclusive. Instead, it is expansive and generous.
A walk through scripture helps us see that our Christian ethics are as complicated as our lives. Take for example, Matthew 10:37. In it, we hear Jesus tell us to not put father or mother (really anyone) before him. For his mission, people are sometimes called to leave family behind. “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life,” says Jesus (Matt 19:29). His first Apostles and disciples did this. But we also learn in 1 Timothy 5:8, that we might have another slightly different call as the Church develops. We are told that we are to provide and care for family. “And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Then, you have Matthew 22:36-40 where we are told to love God but also love our neighbor as ourselves. In Deuteronomy, this twin command was the heart of all the laws that followed, and Jesus agreed. This command pushes us outside the tribal or genetic bonds of family. So when asked who is our neighbor, Jesus uses the Parable of the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10:25-37 to teach us that love and compassion is for anyone in need, even our enemies.
Here’s another tension. When Jesus came into the world, the Kingdom of God was at hand. He was racing to his cross and resurrection. Time was short. So, in Matthew 8:21-22, Jesus tells someone who wants to follow him in mission that his call is more important and immediate than burying the dead – in this case, the man’s father. Yet then in Mark 5:19, Jesus rejects someone’s hope to go with him. “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” The person is sent home to do the will of God amidst family and folk! For him at that time, that was the better way to love.
My friends, I think it is a mistake to force things into an either/or dichotomy. Perhaps like St. Paul at his conversion, it is better to ask, “Jesus what would you have me do?” (Acts 9:6). Sometimes we are called to sacrifice all. Sometimes not. Sometimes we need to care for family, community, or nation as part of our primary vocation. Others might have vocations that are outward facing such as missionaries. Such people might be called to go beyond generosity to family or kinship groups to love the stranger. Dependent upon our call from God, we might need to leave family and property behind, or offer our lives as martyrs, or yes, even as a Protestant, live a single life to fulfill God’s call for us. Or, we might need to be a sign of God’s love in a family or community. Still, those at home might be asked to support missions and outreach to others. Vocations vary as much as situations, but we share all one mission to the world.
Yes, the Vice President’s interpretation is too limited and rigid, but so can be the interpretation of those who argue for more generous giving. We have to watch out for enabling behaviors. At times, we must discern who needs our help most like a medical professional in a triage unit. Our context, abilities, resources, and most importantly our call from God can impact what we should do.
Take for a recent popular example, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He believed after World War I that Christians were called to pacifism. Still, in the face of Nazi evil, he decided a greater evil than committing violence was to do nothing to save Jews from genocide. Nation did not come first. Ideology or theology was not preeminent. Love – even if imperfect human love – did. He erred on the side of mercy.
Yet again, no matter who we are or what our vocation is, there is no denying that Jesus calls us toward one another in the Church, love of family, and even love of “other” to include our enemy. We are not called to tribalism, selfishness, or fear. Sometimes this means sacrifice. “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come to die.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in The Cost of Discipleship. This can mean a person/family/nation might need to sacrifice if not suffer in order to love others as God calls. For is not that the way Jesus loved us – dying on a cross?
Maybe this is partly why St. Augustine defined virtue as “rightly ordered love” in his work City of God. Augustine believed that a just and holy life requires loving things in the right order. God is first. Then others. Some suggest loving family before others (as you are called as parent or child) might mean caring for “self” first. For example, a pastor might take a leave of call to care for a dying parent or child. Or maybe leave must be taken to fight cancer. There can be valid reasons to prioritize your love for the one’s entrusted to your care by God; not out of selfishness but need.
Similarly, Thomas Aquinas argued for an order of love. Aquinas argues, “One’s obligation to love a person is proportionate to the gravity of the sin one commits in acting against this love.” In his argument, we’re to love with greater devotion those who have been entrusted to our care. Fulfilling our vocation was a key understanding for him.
Yet, I am arguing that the Christian ethic of love is not one size fits all. Your call and the circumstances matter. Therefore, Augustine prays, “Love ever burning, never quenched! O Charity, my God, set me on fire with your love! You command me to be continent. Give me the grace to do as you command, and command me to do what you will!” (Confessions, X.29). Augustine wrote that the earnest student “exercises himself” to find in Scripture that: 1) God is to be loved for his own sake, 2) our neighbor is to be loved for God’s sake, and 3) that God is to be loved above all.
The kicker (very difficult and somewhat surprising) which must be reiterated comes from Matthew 5:43-48, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” We are called to love others who don’t necessarily deserve our love from a human, utilitarian perspective. Certainly, again, this does not mean we become enablers of addiction or other bad behaviors. Sometimes the consequences can be loving as we protect someone from harming themselves or others more. Yet, the command to love our enemy challenges us to consider how we respond to all those whom prove difficult to love.
Then, of course, Christian counselors often remind us that self-care is not always selfish. Even Jesus took care of his needs for solitude, prayer, or fellowship at times. Yet, when the time was right, he offered himself completely up for our sake. Similarly, self-care is sometimes necessary, not a sin, for us. Remember, the maxim is to love others AS yourself, not better than yourself. This reminds me of Carl Jung: “But what if I should discover that the least among them all, the poorest of all beggars, the most impudent of all offenders, yea the very fiend himself – that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of my own kindness, that I myself am the enemy who must be loved – what then?” If we are caring for ourselves so that we can fulfill our call from God better and value the gift we have been given (our body for example), that is not selfish. As humans, especially as caregivers, self-care is critical.
Sometimes to love others better, you need to love yourself – loving oneself in an unselfish way, recognizing your human needs or limitations – so that you can glorify the Lord all the more in how you love others. At other times, love calls us to die to self. There can be a lot of in between, shadowy times. (God often is found speaking from a cloud, right?) It is hard to see what to do. In welcoming the refugee, facing criminal justice issues, caring for the sick and elderly, we can’t just say “me first” or “America first.” It is not that easy. We are going to have to wrestle over our actions and intentionally discern. The utilitarian answer will not always be the best. We have to open our hearts to God and others, then ask the Spirit to guide us. For without God’s help, without continually questioning and testing our motives and actions, we will surely love less than we ought or are able. Common sense can lead us into sin.
Love is complicated. Let’s strive to love generously and well by God’s help. And if we aren’t sure? Perhaps it is best to err on the side of mercy, for God is merciful toward us. Our God who is love is the God of all people, calling all people, and those outside the Church and our kinship groups are entrusted to our care. As God’s love reaches out, we are invited to be the divine’s hands, feet, and voice. For Christ followers, God’s love is meant to transcend the social and political boundaries of this world.
One day when Jesus returns, we will be one. That’s been God’s will all along.
© 2025 The Rev. Louis Florio. All content not held under another’s copyright may not be used without permission of the author.
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